dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
