Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
