he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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