i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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