Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
After tacos, we're chasing women.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
