I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
