"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
