R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
