you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
