I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
