I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
