we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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