She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
