It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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