Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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