We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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