If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
