Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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