Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
