I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
