I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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