Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
