sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
