if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
this hospital has no fireball
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
