That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
