all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
