And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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