After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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