Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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