I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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