Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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