On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
