so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
