sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
