she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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