I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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