dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
