Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
