Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize