I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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