That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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