I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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