You're completely useless in the revolution.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
