discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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