dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
