How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
