Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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