I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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