He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
