Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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