if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
