you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
