I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
