Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
