sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
