is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
