there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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