cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
