Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I did not marry a roomba.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
