I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
