my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
