can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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