i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
