I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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