I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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