he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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