After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
