we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
