my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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